I seem to be eating plenty of ramen lately . . .
Well, because I've nothing very concrete in my head right now, I'll make up a quiz and answer the questions. Feel free to steal it or nick it or diollychotpop it, or whatever you kids are doing these days.
Make your answer bold. Or you are a coward.
1.Your gawky lady friend is coveted by a burly, bearded man who'll stop at nothing. What do you use to stop him?
c. Paraphrase of Winston Churchill
d. You let him have her
2. You set out your picnic lunch an hour ago, but were distracted by a spirited yet awkward game of football with the local youths. You return to find your lunch covered with ants. You . . .
a. eat it anyway.
b. cry and lie down, hoping the ants will cover you as well, like a sweet blanket of society.
c. angrily resolve to crush each ant individually, until you've gotten every ant in the park.
d. pretend it was someone else's lunch and walk away.
3. At the train station, a mild gentleman with thick glasses surreptitiously hands you an envelope before walking hurriedly away. Inside are what appear to be dark pencil shavings, but you have a very strong feeling that they are something quite different. You . . .
a. pass it along to someone else.
b. leave the station and hope no-one recognised you. You contact your wife or significant other to try to determine your next move.
c. hunt furiously for the man who gave you the envelope.
d. call the police.
4. You've been fired from a humble position at a company in which you've struggled for years to get ahead. The nature of your discharge makes it extremely unlikely that any other reputable company will hire you. Your wife, unable to handle the anxiety of the situation, leaves you. Your family disowns you, and you have no friends. What do you do?
a. Bet on a dog race.
b. Assemble a party for a daring sea expedition in which you plan on killing the greatest prize or die trying.
c. Painstakingly fashion a small shine to Robert Blake, and wait for inspiration to come.
d. Find someplace quiet to sit down, don't try to speak to anyone, and try to achieve perfect silence in your mind.
5. Oh no! A policeman saw you with the jewel! You got away, but the copper knows your face now! What're you gonna do?!
a. Dress in drag and stay in a crowd.
b. Hole up in an apartment with your girl (or guy) until it all blows over.
c. Hop a freight car. Disappear. Become no one.
d. Turn yourself in.
You did it! You're so good, I knew it wasn't a mistake to believe in you! Let's make love, right now!
How to score:
a. 100 points
b. 45 points
c. 40 points
d. 10 points
a. 15 points
b. 60 points
c. 50 points
d. -6 points
a. 0 points
b. 20 points
c. 55 points
d. -2 points
a. 62 points
b. 150 points
c. 30 points
d. 40 points
a. 90 points
b. 200 points
c. 190 points
d. -20 points
Add 'em up!
1 - 20 points:
You're silky smooth, horribly erotic, and easily aroused. Even the mildest of activities provoke an orgasm. You're not very aggressive but you don't need to be--life itself gives you head.
21 - 200 points:
Your brain burns with either disease or passion. Yet sometimes this fire is manifested by an eerie silence in both your manner and spirit. Don't let's be fooled, though--you're just waiting for the right blood to spill!
201 - 400 points:
You're a screaming, shivering, brilliant fireball of magic! Naked half-aphid women dance crazily about your head as you bound through life, kicking cans and fire hydrants and whatever else is in the way, all the while barely noticing because you're laughing so hard! Your voice causes the earth to tremble for miles around!
401 - 565 points:
Unknowable, unsayable, you are the flat line beyond and behind all thresholds of knowledge and physical activity. Beauty unfathomable as it is unseeable--yet horrifically evident, you permeate reality. Your essence stitches the fabric of time and space, and all realities are but scraps and rags otherwise.