August 21st, 2002

Salt Precaution

On the verge of action or permanent inaction

I really ought to get moving. I really ought to have gotten moving a few hours ago. But I . . . er, haven't.

I'm supposed to go to a car place and have my car looked at. Which is just the result of my grandmother having noticed that my air conditioner isn't working.

I suppose I do want a fully functional air conditioner, it's just . . . *sigh* . . . I hate that car dealership place. I hate going there. And I'm really not sure why.

Some places you just don't like. For no particular concrete reason, I guess.

Back when my car was kaput, after it had been hit while parked, I actually had to walk to the dealership. A walk of . . . oh, I don't know how far it was, as I have only a fuzzy idea of what units of measurement correspondent to actual distances. I passed two malls . . . maybe fifteen miles? I dunno. I do know that it was the most enjoyable trip I’ve ever taken to the place . . .

I hope I can talk Trisa into hanging out to-night. It's really starting to get to me, her disinclination to see me of late. It's been over a week now, and the most ominous thing was last night, when I asked her if she was willing to hang out.

"I'm busy," she'd said.

"Oh, whatcha up to?"

"I'm . . . busy," she'd repeated. Making it clear, I guess, that it wasn't my business. Which I suppose it's not . . .

Ah, those abrupt unexplained shut downs of relations with people. Don't we all love them. Of course, I can't complain too much as I've been guilty of it myself in the past. So I just cannot, I guess, be too justified in any fire aimed at Trisa.

In a way, it's kinna like cannibalism in emergency situations. You and a bunch of friends are trapped in a cabin by an ill-timed avalanche. It's nothing personal when one person eats another here. It's just the need to survive. The person being eaten cannot really hold a grudge with the person eating, as the victim here might as easily have been the perpetrator, if only the straws had been drawn differently. But being eaten still hurts a lot though. Actually, maybe the absence of a truly guilty entity makes it harder . . .

When you think about it, this makes the concept of two people agreeing to always be with each other and be faithful to each other, all the more extraordinary.
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    Tori Amos - Precious Things