At this moment, my innards are throbbing with feelings of consummate inadequacy. I feel like a completely trivial creature in the story of existence. I feel like I've never come in contact with another human being in my entire life.
I feel like . . . hm . . . how can I put this? I feel like eyes without a body . . . I feel really, really sad.
At the same time, another part of me is watching myself, and noting how deeply hurt I am by something that isn't even an injustice, something that's just the consequence of regular life, and it seems to me that I'm a very, very weak person. And it's not only that I don't see myself as having a significant role in my life, but I don't think I'm even "good enough" to have significance in my life.
I guess that probably doesn't make sense.
I hope I feel better when I wake up . . .
Just watching End of Evangelion again, and even though it's the bleakest, perhaps most sickening movie I've ever seen, I somehow feel a lot better.
I am so inconsistant!
Hmmm. There was a guest speaker in one of my classes a couple weeks ago who, digressing way into the stratosphere for some reason, began talking about what it would be like to live as a tree.
I found this rather interesting as it just so happens that that is something that I myself contemplate from time to time. I'm not sure why. Something about the complete absence of responsibilities or something.
But then I suppose there're a lot of very fun things that a tree never gets to do.
You know, I guess I'm as boring as a tree. I came to the realisation earlier that I'm very, very boring. And even though that's been something that's frightened me for a lot of my life, it doesn't really bother me now. There are a lot of, shall we say, tree-like benefits from being boring.
Y'know, I've always preferred solid coloured neck ties to patterned ones. I wonder if that's a boring preference to have? From my own point of view, patterned neck-ties are boring.
Is this digression boring? Is this entire journal boring? Y'see, I don't think so, because I keep it up.
Which is an important point . . . No matter what you think you share with other people, no matter what or where you think you're doing, all joy in life is a form of masturbation.
I defy you to argue against that.
"And I'm so worried about
The baggage retrieval
System they've got at Heathrow,"
Byah. I'm far too coffee deprived to-day. I had a headache from that, and I tried for some reason (out of loopy lukewarm logic) to cure it by eating lot's of food at my parents' house. So then I was tired, my head hurt, and I felt I had an anchor in my stomach. Things are starting to feel a little better now I've a hot coffee in my hands though.
Hmm . . . I think my eyeballs want to roll out . . . of my head . . .
Tried playing Icewind Dale last night. It's just not satisfying.
And as this is getting to be a regular question for me, I think I'll ask myself . . . what do I feel like being right this instance? Right now I wish I was Garfield (the cat. I wouldn't wanna be president).