Still, I also felt sluggish. I dunno. Maybe it's because the last few projects I actually completed failed to make a splash. Sometimes I think I underestimate the value the support of my friends carries for me. If I don't see that they're really thumbs up about something I've done, I think I get down on myself a great deal more than I ought.
But, I will carry on . . .
The past several days I've been thinking about the general themes of my novel--what's my novel about. I've always known it was about the value of being "good", about the basically uncertain and chaotic nature of existence, and also about fear, what fear does to you, loneliness, and questioning the value of having other people in our lives. Lately I've been trying to encapsulate all of these ideas into one feel, one interconnecting essence.
I don't know if I'm on the right track or not. But I feel I'm definitely on a track.
I've been working on this novel for just over a year now, and I think I'm almost halfway through my first draft. I think when I get to the end of it, I shall try to look at the thing as a whole statement, and maybe tinker around, delete and create scenes where I think necessary.
I'm a little anxious to see how it turns out. I've allowed a few people to read what I've got so far, but (and this makes me quite nervous) only one of them has been able to read the whole thing. It's somewhat heartening that this person gave it a very positive, intelligent, and honest review. Although that review was somewhat counterbalanced by the review of someone I respect enormously who was able only to read a very small portion of it before declaring it much too boring.
So it really comes down, I guess, to how I feel about it myself. And I feel I want to keep writing it. I think that's all that's going to satisfy me for now, and I think I've decided not to hope for anything more.
I was watching Ridley Scott’s feature-length commentary on my Legend DVD to-day, and amongst all of the other surprising huh-you-don’t-says, I learned a bit about an actor who has intrigued me for quite a while.
David Bennent, who in Legend played the leader of the forest folk named Gump, was in fact nineteen years old during the making of the film, despite his child-like features and height of about four feet. For the longest time, I for some reason thought that Bennent was 36 years old at the time, and a midget (or little person. Or whatever I’m supposed to call them). So I was surprised to learn from Mr. Scott that Bennent was not only 19 years old during the making of Legend, but in fact later in his life actually grew to an average height of around 5’9”. Ridley said that it was in fact a psychological phenomena that kept him so short--which, to me, was even more astonishing than what I had originally thought the cause of his irregular physique to be.
And also, it’s eerily similar to the more overtly surreal condition of Bennent’s character in The Tin Drum, the movie in which Scott had first noticed the young actor.
The Tin Drum was the story of a child who, deciding he did not like adults, throws himself down a flight of stairs to prevent himself from growing up. And he succeeds.
The movie is German, and in fact, I believe, is very much about Germany. The biographical account of Bennent’s character takes us through both World Wars, and seems to be a metaphor for the spirit of Germany and its childish compulsion for decadence.
The title of the film refers to the main character’s obsession with a toy tin drum he constantly carries. When agitated, he beats a quick tune on it before unleashing a shrill, resounding shriek which is capable of shattering all the glass in the houses surrounding him, while at the same time being a child’s wail of anger at the world not accommodating him.
Needless to say, I recommend this movie.
David Bennent’s a German, and Ridley explained that Bennent had a very thick German accent when they were making Legend. But during Scott’s somewhat paranoid post-production of the film, in which he worried that he had made it too sweet, he had a colleague screen the movie who insisted that David’s voice sounded too much like a Nazi. So Scott dubbed completely over David’s voice, employing the actress who played the goblin Blix. A decision, Scott says now, he later regretted. Unfortunately, the original master tapes with Bennent’s voice have been lost.
And lastly, I should mention that I’m worried about Trisa. I just am.
I’m trying not to think about it, because she seems loath to confide in me at the moment. And I don’t wanna be pushy but . . . oy. I hate seeing her in distress.
And I'm worried about Cryptess, who I've not spoken too since her somewhat apocalyptic journal entry at the beginning of the week.
Looking back, actually, the week, in some ways, looks like a big, ominous silence.