Write yourself a dating ad.
1) It has to make you sound as unappealing as possible.
2) It has to be honest -- you can't lie at all.
3) It can't sound as though you're deliberately making yourself sound unappealing.
Male, 5'Something. Missing two teeth, one in the front, the remaining teeth are brown from coffee. Unemployed. Whether or not he likes you is not wholly dependent on if you like him. Proudly obsessive. Considers arguments healthy. Not especially jealous, but hates men. Despite many attempts, has not been in a successful relationship. Frequently looks for excuses to draw naked women. Thinks he's a mind reader. Is a mind reader. Occasionally restrains himself from name-calling during an argument. Considers himself an artist. Sometime warlord of Mordor. Seeks intelligent woman who dislikes tedium and is pleasantly excited by the idea of confronting difficult issues, be they personal or otherwise.