Change of existence
Nov. 17th, 2002 @ 01:11 am
Ah. I at last know the pleasure of writing at the computer with a cat at my side.
This is Victoria, who's currently playing with one of my hair ties . . . actually . . . I hope she doesn't choke on it . . .
She's a very small cat. Looking at her now, I find it hard to believe that she actually gave birth to Lucky, who's another of the cats. A very, very fat cat. Odd that she would warm to me like this--of the three cats, she's the only one who actually leaps into my lap. It's odd because she's by far the most skittish and cautious of the lot.
btw, to all of my readers who are into Aimee Mann (I'm pretty much talking to Marty, cryptess
, and possibly Trisa), I've learned that she's gonna be on Buffy the Vampire Slayer
on Tuesday at 8pm on UPN (or possibly a different day for cryptess
. Like, a few months from now. Sorry dear:( ). I'm jazzed about it.
Noticed a few minutes ago that Trisa's deleted her live journal. I guess I kinna saw that coming since she's been putting to torch certain of the--shall we say--dorkier aspects of her life. Which, come to think of it, goes naturally with her current disdain of me. Or. The disdain I imagine she has for me. I am, after all, the physical manifestation of sloth and idleness.
I'm afraid for that girl a lot. I wish I had the key for her bell jar. Unfortunately, part of the nature of her bell jar is that it permits little or no alien matter.
This is the last time I'm gonna have to stay up until seven to walk the dog--my aunt comes back to-morrow. From this experience I've learned a few things;
1) I'm more of a cat person than a dog person.
2) The dog actually leaves my hands smelling worse than the dirty kitty litter.
3) While the dog has to be walked at two inconvenient times of day, all the cats need is food, water, their litter changed, and some mutually rewarding attention (the cats just aren't smelly. You lie Phoebie Beauffet).
4) I never, ever want children, as I suspect caring for them shall be slighly messier and more complicated than caring for a dog.
Now I think I shall try to get some work done. Just goofing off through the entire night tends to make me feel dirty. Much better to see that rising sun knowing I've been productive.
Trisa; in case you read this, I just want to remind you that I'm your friend.
Current Music: Tom Waits - New Coat of Paint
(or possibly a different day for cryptess. Like, a few months from now. Sorry dear:( ).
It's ok, m'luv - I don't think even Aimee Mann could get me to watch Buffy.Trisa; in case you read this, I just want to remind you that I'm your friend.
That's incredibly sweet :) Seriously tho, you know my interdimensional whacking mallot? I'm about to shove it 3 feet up Trisa's ass. Here goes...
Heh:) It's nice to have you looking out for me Cryptess. Although I'm not really pissed off at Trisa about this--she told me she wanted to crack down on schoolwork or something. She's had a whole air of "I'm gonna get tough on life! Grr!". I guess she just decided she didn't want to devote time to an LJ. It's true, for the past week or so she has treated me like dirt. And I am hurt by it. I nevertheless still have no angry words for her. I still just like her.
For whatever reason, I think she's just felt trapped by me. That kinna sucks, but I'd like to avoid suffocating her.
You know, I want things to work out for her, and I want things to work out for you, and I want them to work out for me and Rich and Manda and Fred. If any of these people upset any of the others, I'd tell them off. I may love you all, but dammit, you're all gonna PLAY FAIR.
Being too wussy to actually talk through problems - "Hey, Sets, I really need to crack down on my schoolwork, so I'm gonna need some space for a while." - Strikes me very much as not playing fair. I trust you well enough that you'd give her the space she needed. I'm also sure that with that kind of communication, you could BOTH BE HAPPY. Instead, she's maybe said something cryptic about needing to get tough on life, peppered with nastiness directed at YOU, and then DISAPPEARED.
YES, it makes me VERY angry. Someone extremely important to me is being HURT by this, and I'm not going to take that lightly. If she explained what the problem was, openly and honestly, or at least said "Hey, sorry, I've had Personal Issues lately that I don't want to share," I wouldn't be so hard on it. In the current situation, though, she's just making herself look like a stupid bitch. :)
I can understand how you might want to protect her, or her image, etc. In my post about lack of respect from my friends, I didn't feel hateful or vengeful towards those people, just hurt. Rich said that if people affect me badly, I should give them a good, hard slap; You said that those friends, in fact, might appreciate that slap. And of course, I'm not going to make my loved ones bruise or bleed, but it's also pretty important that I don't get that broken glass in my chest again!
Right now, Trisa's probably working under the assumption that dear old Sets doesn't react when you pick on him. He's sloth and idleness, remember? He's also very forgiving, and won't let your name get smeared. It's SAFE to pick on him.
Maybe she even WANTS to get a rise outta you. Either way, I think she's begging to (metaphorically) lick your boots, and I think she should either be forced to talk about her bitchiness, or the situation should end completely on your terms, not hers. If she explains herself you can agree on what'll happen; if she doesn't, the floor should be open for your say. Otherwise, she can walk all over you without even explaining herself.
I'm not meaning to denounce the girl herself, but her actions. She might be nice enough but she's got a holy 2x4 stuck up her ass, and I've appointed myself as the surgeon who's gonna remove it. Unless...you'll let me hand you the scalpel? :)
I think what's basically going on is that she's got a new pack of friends whom she finds to be more complimentary to her disposition than me. Sort of like the recently born-again Christian prefers not to hang with his old Satanist buddies.
She believes that I'm just not fulfilling her needs. Now, truly, she is being pretty unfair in that she treats me like scum all of a sudden. My theory is that that's a manifestation of some of the guilt she feels at cutting me loose.
btw, I'm not sure your trust in me to give someone space is quite warranted. I can be pretty clingy, and I've been kinna clingy with Trisa in the past. Although in our current situation I've been pretty cool, IMHO.
And I agree with you--I've felt like there was something 2x4-ish up her ass too. But I can't force her to unburden herself, so I figure I might as well just sit tight and be here.
This phenomenon of trying to get a rise out of me--other people have taken similar attitudes with me and I must say I plainly don't get it. I mean, I can become genuinely very, very angry. But sometimes anger's just useless, and I feel it's critical to see certain delicate situations more objectively.
Now, when someone tries to argue that pan-n-scan versions of movies are superior to widescreen versions, then you'll see me raving lunatic mad.
Maybe that's what's frustrating for people--I only seem to get mad by things that most consider very trivial. My passions tend to lay in areas that people typically ignore in their daily lives. I guess this makes me angrier. But we all have our little islands I guess . . .
Um. To wrap this up . . . yes, Trisa's behaving like a baboon towards me. Can I do anything about it? No, not really. You're right, it'd prolly behove everyone to talk it out and clear the air. But knowing Trisa as I do, the issues at heart here are ones that she would never, ever be able to muster the courage and/or desire to discuss. And considering she's got another circle of friends and plenty of school/work related things to do, she prolly won't feel like it's even necessary to worry about a guy(me) who doesn't even necessarily have to be in her life at all.
I'm an inconvenient acquaintance. It sucks, yes, but I've other things to put my heart into too.
Whether you're meeting her needs or not, she shouldn't do things that hurt you. Still, she hasn't expressed her needs, so it's not exactly your fault if you're not meeting those needs - and of course, if it's useless to be angry, don't be. But don't get kicked around, either.
If she's feeling guilty...an APOLOGY (*gasp*) will actually do HER much more good than things, like this, which will just harvest more guilt. It'd be mutual benefit. She at least owes you closure.
(I can be pretty clingy, and I've been kinna clingy with Trisa in the past.
Ok, so you feel dependent at times. Who doesn't? Still, I have faith that if someone said that they needed space, explained it didn't mean you were disliked and/or why they needed that space, you'd honour it, 'cos you're that kind of bloke.
(My passions tend to lay in areas that people typically ignore in their daily lives.
Such is the beauty of individual personality. People might slowly be getting used to the concept, but it'll take lovely people like you to teach them. And people like me to kick them in the shins every once in a while when they don't get it.An inconvenient aquaintence
?!? That one's enough to get me frothing at the mouth. If it's any comfort, most of our mutual friends KNOW you're amazing. And so do I.