I have been bestowed with the honour of being the One--THE first One in history to have a cup of coffee. Not the pale, shadow coffees that now populate the world, but the actual coffee, black as a black pearl, thick as honey, with the mighty, rapier-finger pinch of flavour. I am now about to take my first sip . . . oh . . . . dear . . . gods . . . Gentle reader . . .you don't KNOW. You don't--no, you don't. It resides in its vastness, its heartbreaking girth behind the big oily cedar doors inside you all . . . but for me . . . the doors have opened a crack . . . I mean . . . Oh . . . oh . . .